Abyss

I am going into the abyss of focusing now on my move. I am also retiring this baby blog….my first blog, as I have big plans moving forward.

I hope this blog continues to serve mothers, homeschooling mothers, mothers of boys, mothers of four children vs the average two and three AND also people going through the metamorphosis of remembering who they are in the thick or raising small children.

It has been a great journey….not done and it never really is done but it does change. I promise I will always smile when you are struggling in line with your children, when they speak inappropriately and you are tired. I will smile and know you are doing your best. I will assist if I can and I will never judge you. I might even assure you that it does get easier and that it does. Life is interesting, unexpected and sometimes even complicated. Your best will not always measure up but your LOVE will always shine through. I promise.

Namaste all you amazing parents…..Namaste

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The Yoga Thing – Contrast

The Yoga thing is going well although I had to catch myself from turning it into a new “pressure”. I went almost everyday last week but realized that even if I go most days I am good…makes me happy and brings me back to focusing on positive future, strength, flexibility and vitality.

Some days call for “other” things, including a good stiff drink at the end of the day with feet up. I find that with the Yoga and discipline comes better JOY in the relaxation – I guess that is the great thing about contrast. I am enjoying creating new.

Namaste – Trust That ALL Will Unfold Perfectly.

Stepping Back – Out Of Control

Stepping back and out of control is possibly the best thing you can do sometimes.

It is good to let go and loosen the grip. Gripping is exhausting and creates more tension. How can you attract good things when you are tired from holding on?

Ironically a couple of days after I wrote this to save in drafts I had the experience of using the automatic belaying device at our rock climbing facility. I was made aware that the lowering down was going to “feel” differently than when somebody lowers you down. In fact I was told to climb part way and come down a couple of times to get a feel for it. I did just that and was still a little bit nervous but climbed to the top of my climb nonetheless. At the top I had to let go and trust – not a person but a device that I was unfamiliar with. The device was not going to lower me down inch by inch but rather I had to let go and fall before it would “catch”. I actually held on and even started to climb down which was honestly pretty hard as I was already fatigued. In fact had I continued to climb down I possibly would have fallen anyways AND so I let go. I got down safely, had a bit of a rush and now know that it will always catch me.

Does holding on serve you or hold you back? We each have our own answers to these questions though I expect most will agree letting go is better – just not the first natural choice for most of us.

The Obvious Thing About Yoga – “JOY OF BEING”

I love my yoga for so many reasons but in particularly because it is a no brainer and obviously good for me. So in those moments where I am feeling stressed and negative I know yoga will feel good. Yoga can lift me out of any slump because in it I am honouring myself – AS IS, even if I am not strong that day. The days where I am strong in yoga are bonus days because then I am sure and proud of myself, my body and my mind. How can I lose with that?

JOB joy

With that clear and obvious formula for feeling good I have decided to make my yoga a number one priority as I get everything in order for my move in May. A wonderful friend of mine talks about her JOB – “JOY OF BEING” and reminds me that everything falls into place when one is following his or her joy. If you want to learn more about my dear friend and life coach – please check her web site http://tinabaudon.com/ or find her on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/TinaMBaudon

Do you know what your JOB is? Is it your day job or a special hobby? Are you inspired by people who know there JOB?

The Best Of Times? When Things Go Wrong

On the lake in the dark – not far from the cabin but far enough away to create an adventure and experience to remember the snowmobile ran out of gas.

The boys – husband driving, one on the back and two in the sled towed behind had been on an adventure already. They had spotted a herd of Elk and circled around them at a safe distance. They watched in awe as the herd moved off into the trees – some slowly while others running. My boys were excited and invigorated when the machine started sputtering and then stalled. They were out of gas on the opposite side of the lake from our cabin.

They set out on the trek across the lake to the warmth and safety and it could have been worse. It was probably only a 2km walk and it was dark but also exciting. The sense of adventure was fully at its peak. Nobody complained and they were amazed at the view of stars on a clear winter evening in a community with almost zero light pollution.

I was in the cabin prepping supper and had started to wonder why they were taking so long but did not fuss too much about it. One of the boys was with me and I was enjoying the quiet. I put the lights down low and relaxed until I started to wonder. I turned lights off so I could look out onto the lake and saw the four of them walking up the beach. Whoops…something was not right about that and of course the stories were many when they came in the warm cabin.

It was one of those times…..where it was all worth it. Things had gone wrong but in that they had gone very right. They saw the Elk and they saw the stars in all there glory without the distraction of hurrying up and city lights. They walked and talked and practiced the code of just getting home without dwelling on negativity. It was exciting and now they had a great memory to share.

For my oldest the experience got bigger and better. He and his dad went in the van to the other side of the lake where they then hiked back to the snow machine to fire it up. Once it was going he drove it across the lake in the dark by himself. He was proud and enjoyed the responsibility and adventure.

My son just a couple of years younger sat at the window in the cabin and flashed his flashlite off and on to create a beacon – he was protective and watching out for his older brother. We all know how cool it is when we see them love each other. When my oldest pulled up safe and sound you could almost feel the pride of himself but also the pride of younger brother to older brother.

At bedtime I found myself reminiscing about all of the misadventures I’ve had in my life and how they changed me. One of these days I will write about them – the book of short stories will be called “Lessons in Unlikely Places”.

Isn’t it so true though….the best experiences are often when things go wrong and not as planned. And if this is the case why then do we fear? Life seems to have better plans than we can make. Don’t you think?

Hide It In Your Underwear Drawer

If you have boys and you need to hide the cash, the chocolates, the Christmas presents and pretty much anything else that does not require a freezer – the ULTIMATE place is your underwear drawer. Your underwear are GROSS! If they are sexy underwear, they are gross. If they are granny underwear, they are gross. Anything that indicates that you are a girl wearing underwear is disgusting. Take advantage of this….hide everything in your underwear drawer.

“Underwear and panties are gross!”

I do not think this works for girls – girls are curious about pretty intimate things and do not mind imagining that you too wear sexy things.

Anybody else have a favourite hiding place for secret stashes of goodies and gifts?

Is It Really Friday? Valentines Day

Something about being a mom of four boys, planning a move, managing a business and juggling school makes some weeks sort of whizzzzzzzZ by unknowingly. One wonders where it went and if she was really EVER present during any of it. Sometimes it is like this and that is how it is for me today. I was quite certain that it was Wednesday and when I realized it was Friday I really couldn’t believe it. Not that this has never happened to me before but somehow this was BIGGER….I really feel like a I disappeared and lost two or three days.

Was it the road trip and my return late Tuesday night? Probably. Or the knock on my door later that evening – a young man confessing he had collided with my parked car? Likely also yes. Then the rental property investigation and back and forth dialogue? Yes we almost found a place but no dice. Oh and my beautiful boy birthday turning 11 – we had two cakes because he said it is a special birthday turning pre teen (I agreed – very special). Many things distracted me from the present moment this week some good (the birthday) some willy, nilly and a bit too much….but I am finding my way back to balance. Today I am here and now – present and peaceful……HAPPY.

I was going to write a lovely little story – it is all in draft and ready to go BUT yeesh its Valentines day and REALLY ACTUALLY FRIDAY so instead a ramble and a wish.

I wish for you LOVE and loveliness. May your heart be open and curious forever and ever AMEN.

Keep Your Focus On The Sweetness

My boys…all four sleep in one room with two bunk beds.

I go around and lay to read with each one AND snuggle and scratch backs.

Only the oldest doesn’t plead for more time.

After I leave they often spazz and giggle….almost always borderline inappropriate.

By in by it gets quieter and eventually dead silence UNTIL my one and only 10 year old will say “good night guys”.

They all then wish each other a good night and it warms my heart every time.

It’s often hard and not perfect SO those moments are so sweet.

So I say “keep the focus on the sweetness” and trust that even on the hardest days it always comes around.

Loving Myself Enough

It is like a roller coaster ride, and it is so because I want it so bad but I have denied it for a very long time. So it is intense and the move has a number of challenges or my perception is that it has BIG challenges. I believe these big challenges are part of my journey and part of the lesson I really need to get once and for all. I need to love myself enough, and believe in myself enough to go for it knowing that I deserve it. By it I mean everything and anything that I ever wanted. In this case it is moving back to the most beautiful little city that I love and towards family and friends that I want to know again.

I am moving from a province and a city that is known to have a robust economy to a city that reports high cost of living income ratios and is known for a boom and bust economy. This is what has stopped me time and time again while my heart bled and mourned for being so far away from family and so disconnected from contacts and people that I love. When I tell people about the move they say “oh wow, we would love to move there…..but we can’t”. When I hear this I am both inspired and also a wee bit intimidated. Sometimes I curse my family for raising me in such a desirable location and when I think about that it is funny because they were small town people from a Northern community that were also brave enough to move somewhere they wanted to live. I always come back to the strong realization that no matter where you are if you want it, and love it, it has a way of working out.

I have made the best of my life in the big city and far away from home. I have learned so very many lessons that I needed to learn. I will be forever grateful for 15 years here in big sky country, playing in the rivers, exploring in the foothills, visiting museums and last but not least meeting interesting and amazing people. I had my babies here and we learned the lesson of finding peace in busy traffic and seeing past the billboard signs to only notice the view in behind. We figured out how to avoid the crowds and find secret groves to play in. I thank you for the lessons great prairie city and my beautiful friends.

Why I Love Nature