Better Balance – Dream Mom

I have been a pretty out of balanced sort of mom over the years of motherhood – almost 11 for me now. I spent the first 7 – 8 years immersed and took very little care for myself. I regret that because in that I was not nearly the mom that I thought I was being. Once I had the realization to take care of myself it was long overdue and I moved slowly into that space of being good to me. That being said a tipping point came where I went completely over the top in the other direction. A sort of madness came over me where I could not get enough “me time”. I spent huge amounts of money on myself and took time around every corner no matter how it might affect my family. I started painting my nails, working out, wearing makeup, blogging, walking the dog as much as possible and I even took a part-time job. Now this is not an entirely bad thing and I will maintain most of that but I’ve had to step back again and I am now adjusting to what feels natural and normal. I am stepping back to what it might have been in the beginning had I known better.

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So tonight instead of my “no matter what” night off – starting at 6pm and home around 10pm I took the first 2 hours and spent some time with my two older boys. I had called my husband earlier and said, “I think I need to do something tonight that makes me feel like a good mom.” So much of my time is stressful and it can be pretty busy refereeing four boys. It is difficult to feel connected to any one of them and all too often I am cranky and grumpy. So it occurred to me that maybe “me time” could actually mean time to be the mom I really always dreamed I would be. So rock climbing with my two older boys was perfect and it is also something I had done years ago when my twins were babies. It felt full circle and maybe I am on my way to a new routine that will fill me up more than my twice weekly escape nights.

I dropped the boys off at 8pm and went in for quick hugs and kisses. That mom guilt came on and I almost stayed home but instead I stepped out for my steam milk, cookie, and some writing time. As I headed off to the car my older boys gave me many hugs, “One more hug mom, just one more!”

I think it is very important to find balance in the journey of motherhood but I do think it gets really tricky when you have three and more children. When you have more than a couple of kids that “me time” can take away from relationship building time which helps moods and behaviour in the home. All the same life is pretty busy so you need a break. My moving forward plan is to take one of my two nights per week for some two on one time. I plan to take my twins next week and they are so going to love me for it.

I am an “attachment parenting” style parent but really that is a long story. All the same I believe most parenting styles are good and I fully support different parenting styles. I have never and never will feel better than and in fact at times I felt very much less than those moms that were honest with themselves about how much they had to give. I mention this for the simple reason that if you are also an “attachment parenting” style mom I want you to hear me. I do not want you to tell yourself that you are different because you believe in this parenting style. Do not fool yourself and do not over do it. Babies need healthy moms – so take care!

So I will go home tonight to a sleeping husband and three sleeping children. My oldest some will be up and we will have a small chat before I head of to dream land. It was a good choice I made tonight. “Me time” and time to be a good mom is like a match made in heaven. Onward and upward, ever-changing and flowing is this life. Do not get stuck!

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~ by Nicole on May 19, 2012.

2 Responses to “Better Balance – Dream Mom”

  1. It’s an ever-changing journey, right? Thank you for sharing this.

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