Favourite Book – Connecting My Spiritual Life With Parenting

I am currently reading The Conscious Parent – Transforming Ourselves, Empowering Our Children by Shefali Tsabary.  I love this book because it connects my spiritual journey to my parenting journey in a way I could not quite put my finger on.  Published by Namaste publications and recommended by the likes of Ekhart Tolle, the Dalai Lama and other spiritual leaders I was intrigued after first subscribing to her Facebook page.  I had subscribed after a life coach friend (Tina Baudon) of mine suggested her site.  Recently when she was calling writers to contribute to her new website I was inspired to get out and read the book.  To be honest it has been a while since I read a parenting book but I just love this one – and with four boys between 11 – 6, I have read many!

These next four paragraphs really found a place in my heart and I think many of you will find these words beneficial for considering how to deal with our children’s emotions and our own reactions to those strong emotions.

Have a read:

“When our children are permitted to feel their feelings, they are able to release them quickly.  They come out of their pain understanding that pain is just another sensation.  The anticipation of the pain is often more intolerable than the actual pain.  When our children experience their pain in its pure form, without fueling it with resistance or coloring it with a reaction, the pain transforms itself into wisdom and perspective.

Once their emotions have been processed, children feel no need to hold onto them long after they have passed in the way adults tend to do.  They intuitively know that, like the ebb and flow of the ocean, pain comes in waves – and just as it comes it also leaves.  The reason we adults feel like it stays forever is that our thoughts have become embroiled in it based on a vestige from the past.  It’s in the mind that the pain continues to exist, not in the actual situation.  This is because we don’t let go.

Part of our problem is that we are unused to handling pain alone.  We would much rather project our pain onto others, roping them into our emotional drama through guilt, blame or anger.  Or we resort to an unhealthy habit, perhaps overindulging in food, alcohol, working out, drugs, or medication.  In these and other ways, we seek to manage our pain by channelling it externally which in the long run perpetuates it.  The antidote is to sit with ourselves and become a witness to our pain, knowing well that the pain originates from our attachment to ego.

Once our children learn to accept pain as a natural and inevitable part of life, they don’t fear it so much, but simply acknowledge, “I’m in pain right now.” Instead of intellectualizing about it, judging it, or resisting it, they sit with it.  We teach them this by sitting with them when they are young.  If they need to talk, they will talk, and all that’s required from us is the acknowledgement of a nod, or a statement such as, “I see.”  There’s no need for logic, cheerleading, or hurrying through the experience.  Just allow it a space in the house.”

She ends this with another paragraph addressing pain that stays a while and ends that with this fantastic lesson, “Above all, we don’t aspire that our children become “happy” despite their pain.  Rather we aspire they become authentic.”

I love that last line “rather we aspire they become authentic”  and I love the paragraphs I shared – it was hard to know where to stop the quote and also hard to know where to start.  I highly recommend reading the book in its entirety.  The next sub-title in this Chapter  – “Is Your Child Growing You Up” is named “Take One Step At A Time”.  Better yet the next chapter is called “Life Is Wise”.  Oh my how I am loving this book – go get it NOW.

Here are a couple of links:



Enjoy and let me know what you think!


~ by Nicole on July 20, 2012.

2 Responses to “Favourite Book – Connecting My Spiritual Life With Parenting”

  1. I just put it on hold at the library! Thanks for sharing!

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